My mistakes

I get so overwhelmed with myself sometimes. I get frustrated, annoyed and filled with guilt over some of my decisions. I also always find myself running in circles over what i want to do. Every day my mind is filled with the same thoughts, and going through my day at school they only get worse.

I often blame some of the things i do for the things i don't have. For example me not being in a relationship because of something i did that day. Now i dont believe in karma for those that will read this and say its karma. I could care less what it is. Back to the point, i hate that train of thought. It's not even a truth, my mind is just making it up as an excuse and i dont understand it.

I look at myself and sometimes think im not good enough, i think "oh hey my body is in a weird shape, im not as good as a drummer as i want to be, oh and i dont fit into this t-shirt right. Its just a little too long". I dont want these thoughts taking over me everyday as they do most days. For the longest time i thought i was a little crazy, but that could also be because of the amounts of say anything i listen to sometimes.

I feel like i should be closer to God, but i always think of things in this world that dont matter, and they stop me. I want to be able to say "this isnt going to stop me from being closer with God", but sometimes it does stop me. I want to have a new start, write a whole new chapter in my life. I want to worship God, i want to be there for all my friends no matter what the gossip is on there minds. I want to notice a mistake and flaw of mine and turn it into something beautiful, and thats what im going to try to do.

This post was mostly ramble of whats on my mind and what pulls me down, but i know these things wont hurt me any longer. My mind will be spirit filled and i will be happy, no more sadness and frustration. I know i can turn it all around.